Sunday, December 31, 2006
Well, it'll be 2007 soon, like in some hours time. This year, 2006, has been a very eventful one, and a year when I learnt lots of stuff, on my own.
Perhaps I was so used to the type of life I've been leading for the past six years, seeing the same people almost everyday of the week, enjoying my breaks and lunches and even dinners with them, not feeling the day's been fulfilled if anyone of them not in school, the quietness without them, the urge to dig some staff-room rumours and secrets out of each other. If not, we'd still be able to say hi to each other along the way to lectures, attending the same lectures, get chairs kicked, annoyed. If not, at least at times we'll still be able to get together for a meal.
Perhaps it was all the reliance that I have been always assured of that made me a little afraid and weird to step into a new environment on 02 August 2006.
Perhaps things didn't get bad on that day. Vividly, i remembered the very first day of my campus life, no longer does classes and lectures start @7:50am, no longer do we have to sing the national anthem, the pledge, the school song, the announcements --- any assembly. Something we'd always wanted to "enjoy", something that we dreaded and complained. Yup, even during the college days, to skip the first couple of lessons and "chores" (PE and stuff), we'd self-declared sick and would be late for school. I'm no angel, I did skip lectures and tutorials too. It just seemed so "in" and inevitable @ that time.
Perhaps then I'd classroom that belonged to my class of people, no longer do I get to enjoy that now. In my campus, we have lectures and tutorials together --- meaning to say, lecture-mates = tutorial-mates. A lot of people. Maybe 100?
Perhaps it was the type of life that I'd been used to since I started schooling decently. Lessons end at 5pm, not 12noon. Maybe there are people out there who think that having to school only 3days a week and 4hours per day is a blessing. It's rather otherwise. No more spoon-feeding. Really. If any of the college teachers ever mentioned that they haven't been spoon-feeding us then, I'd not believe any. They lied. So much independence is required and discipline sealed. Reference books --- go find them yourself. Extra help --- send an e-mail, if not pray you'll be genius overnight. Skip lectures --- get your grave ready. Hmmm, have I made it sound scary?
I remembered that one of july entries where I mentioned about the fear of going back to a school, returning to a school, stepping into a totally new environment. I told myself that morning, smile. It's not that difficult to make friends afterall. I'm friendly. Just say hi or simply nod. It was a little scheming of me on how I have my very first friend of that day, and subsequently, some of the rest of them. Then, there're third and fourth degree friends, friends of friends, and the network just go on and on. Being in this environment is somewhat similar to then when I entered my secondary school, yet there are still differences. I entered secondary seeing some familiar faces and of course, some friends whom then we loved to quote as "best friends". Yet, over here, no one knows me. Yes, some did say they've seen me in college, meaning they are my schoolmates and thanks for the acknowlegement, yet the rest have completely no idea who I was. They only know who I am, perhaps, even who I simply want to be. I don't know, at least on my part, I'm interested in who they are, not who they were. The people I hang out with these days simply do allow me to feel the comfort of doing whatever I want. Perhaps, it's like I don't care what they really think. I just want to be me.
Perhaps that's what we always known as changes. Perhaps I did change, or perhaps I'm changing. Perhaps, now all of us are at different places, we distanced, more than ever. Perhaps we are maturing, no longer the innocent kiddo.
Once, my dear friends told me how much they miss me (really, they told me that), the days we spent, the meals we had, the nonsense, the comfort, the talks and how much they are trying to adapt to now. Hey, girls, you can adapt, no worry. We've been breathing all along and will continue to survive well. Same to you boy, "playing" with mud in the rain and forest-ing. And to the other boy, enjoy the operation theatre and table.
And a joyous "HI" to all my new friends. Thanks for anything and everything so far. You've made my campus life so much more meaningful than anything I'd ever imagined. I've learnt and still learning....Thanks all. Oh and thanks for tolerating with my "meow" (or cat") attitude, as some would say.
I miss everyone, very very very much. Time flies, no one lied about that.
Merry Merry Christmas.
Happy New Year.
Love you people so much I really wish I'd hug you.
